The Tender

Having friendship with oneself is an important criteria for happiness. It is also essential for quality friendships with others. The internal struggle is between our animal existence and the part of us that knows certain standards. We have passions, memories and lessons learned that our mind records and responds accordingly. There have been discussions as to the source of our actions throughout the centuries. Religions, philosophers and psychologists try to sort it out. The exception with humans over animals is that they can ponder these sort of things. Something higher than simple mind experiences influence our decisions and drive us to study. Aristotle claims it is similar to a mother who is looking out for our well-being. The conflicts we have within ourselves are between this inner moderator and our mind.

How many times did something seem like a good idea at the time? It was our right, fulfilled a need and there would be no regrets. But afterward, it comes back to haunt us. The deepest person, the tender in our soul, or what can be called "our spirit" feels violated. It has such high standards! We know we need to be guided by it, but it isn't easy when trust is broken within. It is miserable to have a conscience that is violated. A commitment can be made inside to do better and reconcile; but it brings relief to know those we hurt are alright too. That is why there is forgiveness and grace. Both for ourselves and toward others.

The Christian view is that these trespasses against the standard bearer in our soul cannot be simply dismissed but payment must be given. That is why Christ died; to pay for those violations. But whatever a person's beliefs, the conflict is there and we do better if it is resolved. For psychologists, the resolution comes through counseling; for philosophers, it comes through studying; and for religions the higher power that set the standards has to be appeased somehow.

Regardless of your approach to resolving this, the conflict is there and harmony is a great thing. There is nothing better than having a drink and enjoying an evening while at peace within ourselves. Even better is doing the same with others who feel the same with no pretense and no conflicts...