Why Friends?

We have been looking at friendship and love. These kind of relationships are desirable to everyone and so it makes sense that having good friends is key to happiness. We are happiest when it is reciprocated. When we look at the different types of friendships, expectations play a big part in continuing a relationship. If it is contract or work related, good quality work is expected but the person doesn't necessarily have to be pleasant. On the other hand, no one wants to have someone over to visit as a friend if that person is unpleasant. When there is a favor expected, we will tolerate moods more. If two people expect the same thing out of a friendship and the usefulness toward each other continues, the friendship will also continue. But in a "usefulness" kind of friendship such as one for utility or pleasure, if one or the other is no longer useful, it either has to transition or end. But when a friendship is based in each other's goodness toward each other, the usefulness has less application. These kind of friends can endure hardships together and still have a good time. 

Why do people need friends? What fun is there in acquiring things without good friends to share it with? The wealthy are characterized today as misers by the entitlement crowd. The reality is that the majority of people with means enjoy helping others. There is no better feeling than giving someone a hand up in the world and giving encouragement. Having friends that stand up for us is a good feeling too. If things are going bad, it is good to have friends to encourage us. We have the friendship of country to protect each other and admire those who give their lives doing so. Older people help others with wisdom while the youth help with physical tasks. We say that two heads are better than one. No one likes division but having an atmosphere where people get along with each other is always the goal.  

On a grand scale, the word civilized applies to people who get along with each other. We make agreements and associations on the assumption that others have good motives. Treaties usually involve some sort of usefulness or "interest". When one or the other breaks treaties, they cease to be useful to one another. It is when despots abuse power that wars are started. We want cool heads to rule the day. It can be said that good friendships keep the peace. That is why ethics is important. The parameters we set through our laws and constitution are honored among friends. Friendships have a kind of justice where we each have expectations that the other will keep a balance and not take more than what they should. Good friends want to exceed the expectations of the other. Laws aren't needed to step in and resolve things between friends. In a friendly society, limited government works well. When factions become corrupt, laws have to be made and enforcement follows. The less ethics there are, the more rules have to be made. 

Goodness in people brings with it a stability since it is predictable that they will do what is right. Wickedness brings with it a certain amount of chaos that constantly requires justice. It is hard to predict actions when they are influenced by perceptions rather than principles. It is much harder to work with,  have contracts or live with a person who has poor character. Since so much in life is unpredictable, it is nice to be able to have trust and the associated reliability. At work and with customers, we want others to be diligent, produce quality work and be respectful.

A person who becomes passive to others while being hard on himself will also be unreliable. A person who is at peace within himself is capable of forming good friendships outside of himself. We talk about being honest with ourselves. Treating ourselves well with our inner talk and meditating on good possibilities is where it all starts.