Authority

It can be said that friendship and justice are the same thing. A good friend will work hard to make things equal; equal sacrifices, and equal pleasure. A good person will do his best to make sure the association is just according to the level it has become. With closer relationships, it is more of a violation to be unjust. To be ripped off by a close friend stings worse than coming from a mere acquaintance. That is what we call being burned. We have to lower the expectation; level of friendship in this case or resolve the issue.

There are relationships where one has authority over the other. A judge is expected to be fair to every citizen so on the level of fairness he is expected to be friendly. There is also a certain expectation of civility and respect we are to give to our fellow man and other people regardless how uncivil they may seem. We also expect a judge or politician to be honorable and we give honor due in exchange for a certain level of respect and submission to them. Submission is considered a bad word for our free society but it simply means that we obey rulings and laws. But this is contingent on justice. If a person in authority becomes self seeking, we call them a tyrant. Free people are expected to submit only as long as the agreement for both freedom and security is being honored. Government and citizens stay friends as long as there is justice. 

We have examined the three grounds for friendships, utility, pleasure and commonality. There are also two types of these; ranging from those based in superiority to those based in equality. We can start with the most authoritative type with a single person in charge. This works well if that single person is good and is interested in the good of those beneath him. A father figure would be an example; department heads; presidents all the way to a monarchy. But this type of authority can also go wrong badly if the head becomes a tyrant. A tyrant has self interest at heart and is out to use and abuse everyone else. 

The next kind of authority would be a type of a board. More than one person is in charge and we choose those who are the most competent to run things. Interestingly, Aristotle considered a marriage one of these where a husband and wife are competent to run their particular area of an estate. They take care of the children in the same way. This seems to be contrary to what I read by others on Greek society. Injustice can come from the board system if they become self absorbed and give favors to those who cater to them while abusing those who don't. We call them aristocrats or elitists on a large scale and some countries have even made permanent classes according to family and influence. Parents can show favoritism while a company can have those who must be appeased for advancement. A board authority isn't a bad thing as long is the group stays focused on helping others and being just. 

Lastly there is equal authority where everyone has an equal say. This bears the closest resemblance to a true friendship. Brothers in a family; soldiers on a battlefield; room mates; all have a commonality and want what is best for each other. This also applies to fellow citizens. Where this can go wrong is when a few have self interests they want imposed on everyone. If they influence the majority, the minority is forced to obey their will. Sometimes belonging to a group is hard when the majority gangs up on others. We call this peer pressure in schools but it can be the same in a work environment. Sometimes we have to separate ourselves from a group because they always mean trouble. We might enjoy hanging out with them but the mob can get us in trouble. The equal authority friendship is the worst for getting things done since a consensus is hard to come by;  but is rewarding as long as the group as a whole is good. 

 
Each kind of authority has good points but can go bad when people go overboard on their own interests. We aren't talking about altruism. Everyone has a certain amount of self interest in what they do. To say differently is dishonest. But there is a right amount to everything and we are going to look at what this right amount is.   

Loyalties

Justice is the term we use to describe how we equalize things between two parties. The parties can also be two groups of people with common interests. High Schools, clubs, companies, they all want agreements honored in order to remain friendly toward each other. It is perceived injustices that cause people to become enemies. The word "honor" means that we do our best to keep things equal. It doesn't matter if it is material or reputation, to honor is to give what is due; such as honoring an agreement or standing up for someone. We have all experienced the situation when a person hurts us. Another person might have a different perspective on what is just and honorable or have different expectations than we do. If it is contracting work, the more the expectations are defined in a contract, the less likely a misunderstanding will occur. In day to day friendships the expectations can be vague. Our own might be to high or the other person's too low. That is where openness and understanding help clear things up. Understanding is one of the greatest skills to possess; both for oneself and toward others.

We talked about commonalities in relationships and how they were the most stable factors. People associate with those they have something in common with. It can be in a strict sense such as family or in a broad sense such as country. People are willing to die for those who have something in common with them. Churches, political parties, races, and communities all do their best to get people to associate themselves with them since loyalty gives them power. It is the same toward our friends too. We feel secure when those around us are loyal and so we do our best to create that environment. People can become selfish and play off loyalties. We like it when our kids stand up for themselves when their friends try to lead them astray. This is also honorable in a larger sense. We have to take inventory at times and and apply limitations since governments and friendships can become unjust by making unreasonable demands.

Friendships based in utility are quickly dissolved when the usefulness is over. They are based on productivity and so we consider the friendship incidental. Countries might have treaties to protect interests. We are less willing to die for material interests but if it is something in common such as "freedom" we feel all men should have it. It is this the commonality that brings stability and justification to go to war. Those opposed will naturally characterize it as a lust for conquest or some kind of greed for materials.

Pleasure based friendships can be said to be entertainment based. As long as a person is entertaining we will put up with alot of things. It is funny how some entertainers give advise though, thinking they have commonality friends because they are popular. Since entertainment friendships are conditional, they can be lonely. There is a certain instability knowing that once you aren't entertaining any more, the friendships will also be over. Singers, actors and athletes deal with this. But even in our close relationships health and looks can change and make it less enjoyable and so commonalities keep it stable. There are those we enjoy to go out with since they are so much fun but to live with them would be another thing. As long as both parties have a realistic view on what they want out of it there is less cause for slight and misunderstandings.

The commonalities between lovers are nuanced and hard to explain. We try to come up with all sorts of ways to explain it from fate to predestination to preconceived notions. But there is a commonality of the soul that some people possess. We wonder what they see in each other. That is a subject all its own.

I think we have exhausted this subject but I have enjoyed it myself anyways. It is fun to take thoughts and interactions and organize them in the same way a person keeps house...Mine can get messy in the process but the end product is worth it.  

Expectations

When we consider justice in a relationship, we are looking at expectations. Knowing what a friendship is based on helps us to understand expectations. Utility based relationships can be described as one that has the exchange of needs. Each person has areas of their lives that the other fills. This is kind of exchange ranges from contracting to counseling; it can be financial or emotional. When one has the need and the other a supply, the relationship continues. We call this being dependent on one another. In a pleasure based relationship we are talking about one person giving pleasure to another. One has a need and the other is willing to give. This ranges from ready witted and those we party with on to those who give sensual pleasure. As long as the exchange can continue, this friendship continues. They depend on each other to provide for needs of pleasure.

What kind of friends will a completely secure and independent person need?  It would only follow that secure people will have the strongest relationships since the variables mentioned above aren't there.  If a person is content and happy, what are the needs to base the friendship? Secure people have friendships for enjoyment. Everyone wants to enjoy life. They want to share things with someone else and have fun.  A person of commonality is someone they enjoy the most and it is hard to have a misunderstanding of expectations in commonalities.

It would be nice if we were all a strong secure ideal person. But realistically, we all have needs on different levels and having needs isn't bad.  We have friends to help us. These people are useful to us and this isn't a bad thing either; as long as both people are honest about expectations. But if one isn't living up to the expectations of the other, resolution has to come to restore the friendship. Either the expectations are unrealistic or the person needs to step up.  That is where honest communication is important to see in what areas expectations need lowered or if the amount of action needs raised. When both feel the exchange is equal, there is justice and contentment. 

Friend or Flatterer

 Both utility and pleasure are included in a relationship that is based in goodness since they want to provide well for each other and want to make each other happy. Youthful relationships can start out for either utility or pleasure. As time goes on and needs become less of an issue or if for whatever reason the pleasure isn't there any more, what is left is their perception of goodness in each other.  It takes time getting to know someone before recognizing a kindred spirit. If this is the case, the relationship is more apt to continue.

Since longevity in friendship is linked to recognizing goodness in another person; what about those with poor character? A person of poor character will look at what is in it for himself and therefore commonality isn't as much as an issue. Friendships can be good regardless of the person's character as long as both parties have the same expectations. If one or the other isn't getting what they want out of it, one will feel the relationship is unjust and it is likely to cease. Since good character is stable and predictable, it will stabilize a relationship in those circumstances. Poor character relationships lack the support of common goodness but it is still possible for them to have long friendships as long as they remain useful to each other.

When we are talking about common goodness, it usually means as good as us. To have someone to be good far beyond us, would cause an inequality. Insecurities can keep two apart also. But if two find they have the same expectations of what is good and desirable there isn't a conflict. Yet we still wouldn't want our friend to become a God and lose accessibility. Sometimes friendships become distant because one or the other becomes better or worse than the other.

People tend to want to be loved more than they want to give love. That is why so many fall prey to flattery. The flatter is someone who wants a favor and is inferior. We confuse love with honor at times. Honor comes from valuing another persons opinion of one's own goodness. There is an expectation of favor involved. Flattery works this way when applied toward good looks. Favor is expected as as a result of the admiration. Love is far more desirable since it is about the exchange of love toward each other in a lasting friendship. This kind of love is more interested in giving as in the case with a mother and her children. If they move on in life, a mother still loves the same and is happy as long as they are doing well.

So we see that character based love solidifies a friendship. We call this getting personal. Personal relationships are the ones we enjoy the most although the degree and amount of them we can have is limited. Once we know someone personally, we feel comfortable and bear our hearts to them. We know they can be trusted and will never hurt us with what we share. This works on a community scale also and is why slander is such a big injustice.

We will examine further how justice is affected by proper friendships. The further away the authority is, the less friendship there can be between citizens and the more it becomes likely that injustices will occur.

Why Friends?

We have been looking at friendship and love. These kind of relationships are desirable to everyone and so it makes sense that having good friends is key to happiness. We are happiest when it is reciprocated. When we look at the different types of friendships, expectations play a big part in continuing a relationship. If it is contract or work related, good quality work is expected but the person doesn't necessarily have to be pleasant. On the other hand, no one wants to have someone over to visit as a friend if that person is unpleasant. When there is a favor expected, we will tolerate moods more. If two people expect the same thing out of a friendship and the usefulness toward each other continues, the friendship will also continue. But in a "usefulness" kind of friendship such as one for utility or pleasure, if one or the other is no longer useful, it either has to transition or end. But when a friendship is based in each other's goodness toward each other, the usefulness has less application. These kind of friends can endure hardships together and still have a good time. 

Why do people need friends? What fun is there in acquiring things without good friends to share it with? The wealthy are characterized today as misers by the entitlement crowd. The reality is that the majority of people with means enjoy helping others. There is no better feeling than giving someone a hand up in the world and giving encouragement. Having friends that stand up for us is a good feeling too. If things are going bad, it is good to have friends to encourage us. We have the friendship of country to protect each other and admire those who give their lives doing so. Older people help others with wisdom while the youth help with physical tasks. We say that two heads are better than one. No one likes division but having an atmosphere where people get along with each other is always the goal.  

On a grand scale, the word civilized applies to people who get along with each other. We make agreements and associations on the assumption that others have good motives. Treaties usually involve some sort of usefulness or "interest". When one or the other breaks treaties, they cease to be useful to one another. It is when despots abuse power that wars are started. We want cool heads to rule the day. It can be said that good friendships keep the peace. That is why ethics is important. The parameters we set through our laws and constitution are honored among friends. Friendships have a kind of justice where we each have expectations that the other will keep a balance and not take more than what they should. Good friends want to exceed the expectations of the other. Laws aren't needed to step in and resolve things between friends. In a friendly society, limited government works well. When factions become corrupt, laws have to be made and enforcement follows. The less ethics there are, the more rules have to be made. 

Goodness in people brings with it a stability since it is predictable that they will do what is right. Wickedness brings with it a certain amount of chaos that constantly requires justice. It is hard to predict actions when they are influenced by perceptions rather than principles. It is much harder to work with,  have contracts or live with a person who has poor character. Since so much in life is unpredictable, it is nice to be able to have trust and the associated reliability. At work and with customers, we want others to be diligent, produce quality work and be respectful.

A person who becomes passive to others while being hard on himself will also be unreliable. A person who is at peace within himself is capable of forming good friendships outside of himself. We talk about being honest with ourselves. Treating ourselves well with our inner talk and meditating on good possibilities is where it all starts.