Looking Good

We are into book 8 of Ethics By Aristotle. It addresses the purpose for having ethics. If we want a strong community and people that cooperate with each other, it would follow that being friendly toward each other would be the foundation. We could call this a relationship study, but one that addresses why people like each other in a broad sense. Relationships would include good and bad. This is a study of what is good so we use the word friendship to cover all good relationships. These studies are meant to be examined, questioned and expanded on by those who read them. You can call them foundations for inquiry.

Patriotism has to do with a sense of proclaiming one’s pride to associate with people on a national level. It is possible to like people that we don’t know but of course that kind of friendship is the most superficial. These friendships are necessary though, in order to have a good society. A closer friendship comes to fruition when the person is known and it can be reciprocated. Everyone needs friends, rich or poor. There are different kinds of friendships and the scope can change through the years. Children will become a different kind of a friend to a parent as they mature.

There are arguments on what causes people to become close friends. Some say it is commonalities and others say opposites attract.  What is the attraction? Aristotle believed that love is an emotion since it can also be applied toward inanimate objects. When applied toward a certain objects, it can invoke strong desires. There isn't much choice involved since it belongs to our passionate side. We do choose our friends however. Love has different manifestations that are similar to that of friendships. Why do we desire certain things or persons? It may give a pleasure; sometimes helpful to us or may be, for no reason at all, we like it because it seems good to us.  The first two are focused on the benefits. Utility and pleasure based relationships change when the benefits stop. Children become independent and the parental relationship will become based on something other than upbringing. We also want out of relationships that aren’t fun anymore if the person becomes bitter or angry and the pleasure ends. But when we love because of who the person is and it is reciprocated, it becomes a deep and strong relationship. This seems to be based on two people recognizing the good in each other.  They look on the other person as an extension of the good within themselves and care about their well being.  

Friendship and love work hand and hand together. Love is the emotion that recognizes what is pleasant to us. And being in love is an extreme form of it between two people according to Aristotle. Youth tend to lean toward the amorous side of relationships. Others are looking for physical or emotional support in different areas. There is nothing wrong with that as long as both are satisfied with what they are getting out of it. But as we mature, we tend to love more for who a person is. The more we interact with a person and get to know their heart; we see things that we perceive as good. This intensifies the love for that person. The focus becomes less on what can be gained and more on the other person’s well being. Joy is found by just being in the person’s presence regardless what is going on. The amorous part may become less of a focus with time, needs may also change but if both people remain mutually good and pleasant to each other, strong relationships are apt to continue on long after youth.

Friendships have an element of choice in them. A parent may have needed to cut off an abusive child; women may have to leave abusive relationships. But in both cases, the love continues on. Choices on whether interaction is harmful or beneficial are made by the friendship part of a person’s character. Decisions that result in good actions are based in good character.  But love is a constant; a passion that doesn't process such things. It loves good character but doesn't always want to obey it. The object is more important than the logic. This can drive mothers of prodigal children crazy and subject others to abuse. But like all passions, love applied in the right way, at the right time, brings us the greatest pleasure…