Shame on you

We consider virtue the application of our passions that produce the best character traits. Shame is a feeling that accompanies mistakes. Different kinds of dishonor cause physical responses. A person who fears will turn pale while someone who is ashamed will blush. So both have a physical manifestation but we still consider them emotions.

It is expected that young people will feel shame frequently since they haven’t perfected their character and make a lot of mistakes. It is a good gauge for them and it restrains them from doing wrong. As a result, we praise them for being ashamed. Older people don’t feel shame as often since they make fewer mistakes due to maturity and it seems out of the norm. It is the same for someone we considered of good character since shame is the consequence of bad actions and we don’t expect it out of them. It is more of a shock for a good person to do something bad than it is for a bad person. There are things that are truly bad and others that are bad because of societal norms. Either will produce shame and should be avoided so a person can be confident among his peers. We are at the end of a study concerning popularity after all. To feel confident at doing wrong acts is the mark of a bad person. To do something disgraceful and yet consider it good is absurd. It is odd for a confident and habitually good person to willingly commit bad actions. Shame can be a good thing but only under certain conditions. A good person is more apt to feel disgrace when doing bad things. It seems the better a person’s heart is, the more sensitive one is to shame. This is unlike a virtue. Having shamelessness isn't a virtue since it is bad not to care.  Shame always has an act associated with it. We don’t seek shame as a virtue but see it as a product of wrongdoing. Self-restraint isn't a virtue in itself either but it is a mixed state where every person has strengths and weaknesses, similar to shame, where certain things bother some people more than others. We will address this in more detail later but first an important foundation must be laid to increase understanding and confidence within ourselves and toward others.…Justice. This is the start of book five...  

Funny

Another kind of social interaction that we enjoy is comedy. In this area there are things that are tasteful and others that are not so much. It has to do with saying and listening to the things one should and in a manner that one should. Of course the group you are in makes all the difference as to how far one should take both listening and saying. We do see an excess and a deficiency along with an area that is tasteful or correct in the middle. Those who carry humor too far are considered vulgar. They will stoop to any level to make an attempt at being funny; even if it offends everyone. There are also boorish people who don’t get or try to participate in anything. Those who are have good taste are in the middle and we call them quick witted; this means they are fast with a joke in the same way someone might have fast bodily reflexes. It isn't hard to see the ridiculous side of things and most people tend toward making fun of things and people more than they should. That’s why vulgarity can be popular. Vulgar comedians are considered funny. But there is a difference between this and someone who is funny because of wit.

We know we should be tactful. This kind of person will pick up on what is acceptable to those he hangs out with. A well-brought up man will have limits to what he will ridicule while a vulgar man could care less. Certain things are funny to an educated person that wouldn't be to someone who isn't educated. To some, vulgar language is funny while others like dry humor. Even innuendos have their limit of propriety depending on the crowd. So how do we call someone a good comedian? Is it his tactfulness, ability to insult or only how much he makes everyone laugh? We have to define it by the latter but then it gives humor a vague meaning, depending on the crowd. At any rate a person does well to know the humor of those he hangs around with and also know what is acceptable so as not to insult his friends. Then there is the problem of political correctness that goes along with politics; same problem in Athens too. A professional will pay attention to not abuse others or the law. Usually someone who has been brought up right has an easier time with this.

So we have the jerk at one end who is a slave to his own style of humor. He doesn't care about hurting anyone as long as someone laughs. He doesn't even care about his own character. A well refined person has the best state that is tactful or quick witted. The boor is pretty much useless for social interactions. He is too busy finding fault. We do agree however that humor and fun are necessities for a good life.

Concluding our look at popularity and social interaction, we see three areas: Demeanor, Honesty and Humor. All three belong to the middle area between extremes. Of these, two have to do with how much pleasure one brings to the group and the other how much truth.  

We all have to deal with guilt and shame at times. Virtue isn't found in these since they are feelings. That will be our next subject.  

Don't Exaggerate..Maybe a Little..

Since falsehood is disliked, we also dislike dishonest people. When we describe an honest man in this application, we aren't looking at honesty pertaining to contracts and justice. We are interested in the person who tells the truth when nothing is at stake. This person habitually says what is truthful and you can depend on his word. This person is well liked and reliable. Certainly he will follow through with contracts and be just since he is honest when there is no issue. He hates falsehood and won’t exaggerate things. A person like this is far more likable than a braggart because people get bored with exaggerations.

We are annoyed by those who exaggerate habitually. It is much worse if he is exaggerating to receive something unjustly. A person who is insecure and overstates is usually given a pass. But those who do it to get money or position have a much uglier character. We can see that it is the purpose behind boasting that makes it into something bad. Some people are natural story tellers but if they make false claims about qualifications to get money or to positions as we stated earlier he becomes a liar. To claim one can accomplish a feat really doesn't affect others but to claim to be a doctor is harmful. One is annoying at its worst and the other is destructive to his neighbors.   

There are those who are humble and understate things. This kind of character attracts others because he is not out to prove anything or compete with anyone. He just wants to avoid applause. Sometimes there is false humility where credit is annoying to the person. We call this person a humbug and it looks similar to boasting. We can say that exaggeration and false humility are both types of boasting. But those who are humble will understate just a little and won’t do it to draw attention to their humility. People are attracted to this kind of honesty while boasting can be a turn off.  

Next time we are going to have a little fun…literally… The discussion will be about what kind of person is fun to be around and what behaviors go over the top.  We are still on what makes for good social interaction or in other words "popularity". 

Bragging

Ethics is a study on how people can come together for reasonable interactions. Making sure each side feels the interaction is “just” is the goal.  But since every person is an individual with different interests, talents and needs, this can be a difficult task. We went over sections about recognizing character traits that make us honorable. By applying the right amounts of passions at the right times, we show good character. The last one was about popularity; what makes a person pleasant to be around. We looked at the right amount of directness for given situations and will proceed to where confidence works best.

When we talk about boasting, we consider it a bad trait. But we should be able to tell others when we have accomplishments. There is a kind of bragging that is proper. Nothing is wrong with being proud of yourself. A person who is overly timid can be annoying and isn't pleasant to be around. A braggart is someone who is claims to have done things that bring glory but they are exaggerated. It can be in numbers or the intensity of these deeds. The key then, is truth and falsehood in words and deeds. A timid person in this sense will always play things down and claim it wasn't a big deal; a kind of false humility. These extremes have to do with a personality and are normally harmless. The person just tends toward that kind of behavior and everyone understands it. But when there is an ulterior motive, it becomes a matter of truth and falsehood. This brings us to another realm: An honest man or a liar. Honesty is considered praiseworthy but dishonesty is despised: Especially when a person is boastful and takes credit for things he didn't do. It would follow that we will look at honesty in the next section. 

Let's Hang Out

We have all run into with “yes men”; those who will do anything to get people to like them. The other extreme is someone who is contrary and opposes everything. This person might be called contentious and could care less about hurting those around him. There is a middle ground here: a person who is discrete and opposes the right things the right way. We like others to be friendly and when there is affection added, the person is a friend. Absent passion or care for the person is simply being kind since there is no relational value. Kindness is a state of character in this application and a kind person will be that way towards strangers and his friends. He will lean toward not causing pain to others yet at the same time will be honest and discrete. A kind person will pay attention to the kind of people he is around and will act accordingly all the while using discretion. He will choose his fights and only speak ill when honor is at stake. Confrontation isn't the goal and will only happen as necessary. A kind person will try as much as possible to be a blessing to others.  

We see this middle ground that belongs to people who are pleasant to be around. One extreme belongs to the person who is a yes man. There are two reasons for this behavior. One is that he only wants the pleasure of being liked and the other is that he wants something out of the relationship. The person who is kind because he wants something is a flatterer.  The other extreme is completely opposite; the contentious person who wants to argue about everything. There are various reasons for this such as wanting to appear knowledgeable or having a bad demeanor. But we have to agree that a person who is kind yet tactful is the one everyone likes to hang out with. 

Man Up!

We looked at how anger is a good and necessary passion when applied properly. We admire those who have discretion and an even temper. A person who lacks the proper amount of anger and is indifferent toward injustices is considered a fool and a coward. This person may lack discretion and get mad at the wrong things while not caring about what he should. Someone who doesn't defend himself from insult or help his friends is passive and easily pushed around. This isn't admirable behavior.

Excessive anger shows itself in many ways. A person can have a high intensity, get mad too quickly, apply it to the wrong things or the wrong people. The extremes in all variations aren't often found in a person all at once thankfully or we would maniacs. So a quick tempered person gets mad right away usually at the wrong things and too much. But the good thing about this is that a hot-tempered person normally gets over it fast so they are more enjoyable to be around. They are free with passion and it doesn't get bottled up. You know upfront how they feel. There is a variation of this where a person has a chip on his shoulder and is quickly mad at everything and everyone without discretion. A hot-headed person isn't enjoyable to be around and will get you in trouble.  

There are those who sulk. I think we call this passive-aggressive today. This kind of person is very hard to appease because he seeks vengeance. Until this happens, a person with this temperament won’t be satisfied. He takes pleasure in getting back at people. It takes a long time for him to digest anger that isn't satisfied by reprisal. He causes a lot of trouble for himself and his friends. A bad tempered person like this will take offence for the wrong things, too much and for too long. He seeks vengeance and punishment unnecessarily and won’t be satisfied until his drama is appeased. We tend to dislike excessive anger more than passiveness. A bad-tempered person is very difficult to live with.  

It isn't easy to define by generalizations what the proper amount of anger is for each situation. If a person strays slightly, we don’t get upset about it. As a matter of fact we call passive person even tempered. We call those who have more anger “manly” and tell people to “man up”. The decision on how far to go either way depends on the degree of the offence and the position the person is in. Sports tend toward aggression while a counselor will be expected to show restraint. We can say that there is an application of the proper amount and to the proper objects that is virtuous and beneficial while a person who goes to the extremes will damage relationships and his life. 

Passions

We all have passions that drive our actions. These passions rise up within us involuntarily; we do our best to recognize them and try to apply them properly to life’s situations. This is easier said than done. Intensity, personality, experiences and timing contribute to our ability to do as we ought to. A diligent person will examine these passions and put them in order so when these passions arise he can objectively, without the hindrances of guilt and uncertainty, do the right thing.  As a person improves in applying passions correctly, his character is improved. Good character helps a person to be acceptable to oneself and others. We shouldn't try to get rid of passions by demonizing them but apply them at the right time to the right things in the right amounts. And this ‘right’ is the application that maximizes the potential in that particular individual; the proper definition of virtue. Don’t hold back on your passions but do try to make good come out of them.

The next passion is anger. We recently examined benevolence and pride. Anger has a general application to everyone because it doesn't matter what life has given us, rich or poor, we all have to deal with it.

Anger has two extremes, a hot temper in one direction and passivity at the other. Things that cause this passion are numerous and diverse. Someone who has this under control is considered good tempered and good temper seems to lean toward the passive side of things.

Healthy anger is the kind that is mad at the right things and the right people. Healthy anger also should be applied the proper way for the situation, at the right time and for the right duration. A person who is good at it is praised. His anger doesn't rule him but it motivates him to do what is needed to deal properly with things that need correction. A good tempered person doesn't take action to seek revenge but uses grace toward others.  

Now that we know a little about healthy anger, let’s have fun and examine the ways it gets out of line. Examples of this are everywhere. Some are funny and others not so much..